Onlookers were shocked to see the collapse of the Titan outside his local Bunnings just weeks after decimating half of the world’s population, including a number of our beloved AMSS Committee.

Whilst picking up gardening supplies to spruce up the desolate planet, it is alleged by a neurology intern at the Royal Adelaide Hospital that the Avenger known as ‘Antman’ went rogue, entering the patient’s brain through the foramen magnum and deliberately rupturing key vessels in the parietal lobe, inducing spastic paralysis and rendering him unable to ‘snap’. It is reported that the Titan mumbled ‘I ant in me rib’, before collapsing. One 2nd year medical student who was in the gathering crowd hypothesised that he was trying to convey the all-important principle that ‘time is brain’, and that Antman was also in his thoracic cavity. Scott Lang could not be reached for comment at this time.

An anonymous neurology intern, who has worked closely on the wards with Lang’s associate, Dr Stephan Strange, was also able to corroborate the importance that time is brain, and that it was remarkable that Mr Lang appeared to have such expertise on the subject, given the self-reporting by medical students all across the country that neuroanatomy is “unbelievably difficult” and “should be like, a sub-speciality or something”. When asked about the prognosis, our source said it was “...too early to tell. Any resulting neurological deficits wouldn’t make a difference anyway, the guy was a moron...someone who wants to solve the world’s problems by halving all resources clearly doesn’t understand basic maths.” Perhaps there is some bitterness there; further discussion with the source revealed his Labrador Retriever, Charlie, was one of the billions who was tragically dusted last year. Whilst the intern’s bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired, the remarks open up an ethical quandary: what will become of the infinity gauntlet now the wielder is incapacitated?

Police are currently investigating the whereabouts of Lang, who is known to have violated his bail conditions.